Getting Practical

So far this has mostly been an extended description of a day of the week. Now, if I had just read 1000 words about your Monday morning I'd probably be thinking, "well that is faintly amusing but it has no relevance to my life". But what we want to do with this is to draw out some key lessons that relate to all or most of us. We don't mean to preach, and definitely not leave you with the impression that we have conquered these things. But we find these things challenging and want you to as well.

Let Me Wash Your Feet!
Something anyone in a family will have to learn at some point in their life is self-sacrifice. A PK is no exception. Whether they like it or not, it appears that their father is the leader of a church. If they despise it or delight in it is their choice but self-sacrifice will be evident anyway. Some examples of this have been mentioned already (giving up your lie-in, getting up even EARLIER for band practice, having strangers for lunch...). But there are a few more subtle ones too.
1) You Will Be Judged.
This actually might not seem a worthwhile comment because in our society, we make judgements of people within 30 seconds of meeting them. But for our PK this is on a different level. They are judged by anyone who has the faintest idea who their dad is. That is not normal. People cannot help making judgements so they are not to blame, but the results can be crippling. You might stop going to church because you can't help being introduced as X's son/daughter. (For future reference, this really really bugs me) You might pretend to be someone else and upset your parents when you don't want to sit with them in the Front Row Seats. Or you might just swallow the words "I AM ME. NOT JUST HIS KID".

One way of dealing with this is to look to the Bible. We can't help what other people think of us, but we CAN help how we view ourselves. A Christian author has said this "I believe he (Jesus) was telling us the truth when he said that he loves us and wants the best for our life. I believe that God created us. This also means that he decided before we were born, the moment we were born, and every second right now...that we have value." (Chad Eastham) He speaks from the bible when he says that, for Psalm 139 acknowledges that, "You (God) created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (verses 13-14a).
So we need to accept our status as Children of God, not of the Pastor, or even just not of our parents if you are not a PK. If you are not a Christian yet, consider how your life would be different living as part of God's family, with him as the head.

2) You Will Not Go Away At Weekends
This title looks like a command- "Never Leave the House!" It's not meant to be seen that way. This is no rule, no written law, purely a practicality. Your friends don't take holidays during term time (or at least they shouldn't!) because they have school and their parents have work. So it is not that different to say that a PK doesn't have weekend breaks with their family because their dad is working. To be honest, I never noticed this until my parents pointed it out that we spend about 49 in 52 Sundays at home every year whilst other families actually leave the province once in a while. I also noticed when I started wanting to visit friends in London or other places (who don't live here) and really missed our morning services at my home church!

To some people this is a big deal. To me it's just something to deal with. And it doesn't really bother me, but I'm sorry if it bothers you.
The bible says, "Brothers and Sisters, stop thinking like children. In regard to evil, be infants, but in your thinking be adults." (1 Corinthians 12 v23). I admit now that I was actually looking for another verse but I noticed that I had highlighted this one in my bible. It sounds really rude at first, assuming that we think as kids do. But if I apply this to myself - do this with me, for yourself - I begin to see how true that is. Every time I complain about my weekend being church-dominated, I am thinking like a child. Every time I wish I could be out with my friends rather than listening to God's word, I am thinking like a child. But God calls us to "be adults". This doesn't mean talking about why nuclear power is better than wind power, but being mature in our actions, attitudes and ultimately in the way we relate to God.

3) You Will Be Expected
I quickly need to point out that this doesn't refer to someone sitting at a desk expecting you for appointments. It is the way that those who know your not-so-secret will have certain expectations of you. Sometimes these are legitimate and sometimes these are unfair, but whatever the case a PK has to make a self-sacrifice in accepting that. This also seems really similar to the "You Will Be Judged", but I've made the distinction because this seems more practical (and I thought three points looked better than two...) Here are a few examples:
- in a bible study there is an awkward silence and Lazy But Confident Teen pipes up with "ask X, s/he is the PASTOR's kid!". If this happens to me, I resolve not to answer any more questions. It usually lasts about 5 minutes and 15 awkward silences later, but still. People expect you to know and to answer. It can be flattering but it can be very annoying.
- "I know someone who is really struggling with this problem...you won't know what it's like because you're X's child, but I thought you could give me some advice?" Ok this has never been said to me, but it could do. I also happen to LOVE listening to people and attempting to advise them...but not all of us do.
- you do something a little rebelious and everyone is shocked. This could happen anyway but it is more obvious if your family is in the limelight. People expect you to act in a certain way and to always behave. Someone actually introduced me the other day as "the Pastor's daughter, so she never does anything wrong". Perhaps this is why I enjoy dying my hair...

1 Samuel 16 v7b says "Humans look at the outward appearance but the LORD looks at the heart". 
-->You will sacrifice a bit of street-cred but your heart is more important that that.

(Photo: googleimage search for "To live is Christ, To die is Gain" (c) )

You Know You're A Pastor's Kid...

ALICE AND FI HERE:
-when your bedroom wall is filled with Bible verses not boyband posters
-your iPod is filled with Lou Fellingham, Matt Redman and Delirious? Instead of Rhianna, Justin Bieber and Will-i-am
-you get given sweets for being used as a sermon illustration
-you have had more than one (probably weekly) embarrassing moment involving your dad, a pulpit and dancing
-you live in fear of your dad's microphone being left on during the first hymn
-you find looking through the member's directory and ticking off people you recognise interesting
-you enjoy reading the Church Anual Report and marking who has been to lunch and how people in the photos are related to you
-you never have Sunday lunch without visitors
-your visitors book is filled with 'International-' or 'Student Lunches' instead of visiting friends
-you think it is normal for the visiting speaker at Church to come to lunch with you
-you are introduced as ----'s daughter (and resent it)
-you introduce yourself at Christian events as ---'s daughter (and find it funny)
-you know more Christian leaders than teachers at your school and they have probably had lunch at your house
-you smile at people your dad told you about and they have no idea who you are
-you know way too many 'pastoral issues' and learn to keep secrets
-you know who is going out with who, which couple is engaged, married or expecting before their parents know
-you match make the single members of the church in your spare time
-you play the piano, flute or sing in the music group
-you have dreams about your dad preaching at a school assembly
-your heart sinks when someone asks what your parents do and you have to explain what a reformed, protestant,evangelical pastor is.
-When you know that the phone ringing means its probably for dad
-You answer the phone like a secretary, under strict instructions to sound normal in case someone has died and wants a funeral
-When you have theological debates at the dinner table
-When you know 'prayer speak' better than most members of your church
-When most of your best friends are older or younger than you by quite a while
-When your childhood was spent making teas for bible studies and visitors
-When you have heard your father tell the same stories again and again to visitors and you just want to cringe inside....
-you read a beauty magazine thinking "this could be a sermon illustration"
-you do anything and think "this could be a sermon illustration"
-you have a blog called "pastorsdaughters.blogspot.com"

(Photo: http://www.cduniverse.com/productinfo.asp?pid=8535479 (c) )

Sunday Is My Funday

FIONA HERE:

“Hey what are you up to on Sunday morning? Wanna come shopping with us and go to the cinema afterwards? Oh wait, you have church. Can’t you skip it this week, I mean you go like ALL the time, God won’t mind just this once…Tell your Dad you slept in and sat at the back, he won’t notice!”

I don’t know if you’ve ever had this conversation, from either perspective. Maybe you have a friend who’s a Christian and you can’t understand why on earth they would sit in a dark room with sandal-wearing old people and listen to something that some old geezer wrote over 2,000 years ago. Maybe you’re the Christian and you find it really unfair that your parents make you go to this happy-clappy “God-fest”. Maybe you love going to church but find it hard to fit in friends and Jesus at the same time. Or none of the above. Whatever the case, SUNDAY is “fun day” as we have called it, in the manse (Pastor’s house). Let me give you an idea of the trials, challenges and joys we face each week.

Whilst most teenagers long for Sunday mornings when they won’t be rudely awoken by an alarm for work or school, a typical PK will probably dread the 9am wake-up call of “WE’RE GOING TO BE LATE!” Scrap the dreams of a cooked breakfast, it’s more like shove some Weetabix down your gob, grab some clean-ish clothes and jump in the car/on the bike for worship-time!

After praying madly that the first hymn hasn’t started already and then realising that it has, PK must do the Walk Of Shame all the way up that increasingly long aisle to the front row. Why oh why must they sit on the front row? Isn’t it bad enough to have to watch half your genes stand up and welcome everyone with a slightly awkward smile? –As a slight aside, this year I have actually taken to sitting with my friends upstairs instead. It’s more discreet and more fun.

PK must then endure an average of one and a half hours watching their father talk, pray, read the Bible, preach, and - if you are so lucky - lead worship. Thankfully the closest my (Fiona) dad gets to leading worship is when his microphone gets left of accidentally and suddenly there is a booming and slightly flat “TELL OUT MY SOUL!” from the speakers. Thank goodness this doesn’t happen often. Another duty of a PK is to play in the band or sing in the choir. If you’re a daughter, it’s probably singing, piano or flute. If you’re a son, it’s most likely to be guitar.

It’s worth pointing out here and now that these things are not all bad. Certainly, going to church is not negative, in fact it is one of the highlights of my week (think me weird, but this is true). People often ask me what it’s like to see your dad at the front every week – is it weird, embarrassing, awkward? awful, heart-breaking, disturbing? Some do find it that way and I sympathise. But to be completely honest, I usually think, “well what’s it like to watch your dad answer the telephone? Is that tragic? No, it’s normal!”

But the show goes on…it may not be practice everywhere, but in our church, whoever has just preached and probably Dad as well go to the front door at the end of the service to shake every-one's slightly sweaty hands on the way out. At this point, PK must jump into action. Hoping that they are not mistaken for a First Year Student (this has happened to me!), it is their job to ask Dad, and if necessary Visiting Preacher as well, if they want tea or coffee. Then, trying not to spill it on any Old Deaf Ladies on the way, PK will quench dad’s thirst and disappear into the crowds.

Any PK (and probably any kid with evangelical parents) will dread the attempt to leave church. One encouragement to those who are ALWAYS the Last Family To Leave is that once you are old enough, it is possible to leave by yourself. There is hope! Anyway, this is a difficult process that takes much perfection. First one must locate Mother Thinking About Roast Dinner. This can take some time, especially if she is on the prowl for Hungry Student(s) to invite for lunch. Once found, PK makes the first request of many to leave the building and get on with life. Mother Thinking About Roast Dinner points out that none of the rest of her offspring are anywhere to be seen and if you are to leave before next week, it is our PK’s responsibility to round them up. A few hours later, they are all bundled into the car.

It is tradition for an English family to have a Sunday Roast on the Lord’s Day. It is also tradition for the Pastor’s family to have someone over. I have to tell this from my own experience, which will be completely different from others’, so don’t take it as gospel (awful pun). As a slightly shy child who always thought she was older than she actually was, I loved Sunday Lunch; a chance to eat good food and listen to adult conversation, which I rarely understood. We’ve had the whole spectrum for lunch: small children, computer geeks, world famous preachers…you name it, they’ve eaten here. Now I’m a little older and can hold a conversation without turning red with embarrassment, I have slightly more mixed feelings about this arrangement. I love having people over and it’s about the only time in the week we entertain properly. My only issue is that every week we have different people. On the plus side, we get to meet all sorts lovely people, but this also means that we rarely have people we already know over. Maybe this makes me work harder after church to develop those relationships with my actual friends/youth leaders etc. and it definitely provides interesting lunchtime stories.

Rant over.

Sunday afternoons in our household are invariably spent doing just about nothing but hoping that the guests will leave before Sunday night TV starts…if they leave in good time we might take a walk by the river (and pretend that the mad dog barking at all the rowing boats does NOT belong to us) or play a competitive game of Scrabble.

Once a term or so we have a bunch of about 20-30 University students over which is pretty fun, especially now I’m almost the same age, so it’s a bit easier to find something to talk about. Students are usually pretty excited to be in a “normal” home and actually hit a sofa with their backside for once so will probably not leave until it’s time to go to the evening service. The evening will probably consist of more television. We used to watch Smallville (drama/soap about Superman) on Sunday evenings but it doesn’t seem to be on at the right time anymore, so my sister has taken over with Countryfile. Slightly more edifying…I’ve actually taken to going to the evening service (if I’m playing) as well.

So there we have it. You may not see this is as a “Fun Day” but then you may not have ever had the pleasure of living through this set of events every week!

(Photo: Eden Baptist Church Cambridge(r) Logo (c) http://www.eden-cambridge.org/)

http://www.eltbaptistchurch.org/

Dreaming Of the Pastor

FIONA SAYS:

DREAMING OF THE PASTOR
“LAST night I dreamed I was on Christian Summer Camp. Dad was there; it was the
evening meeting and he was speaking to us from the Bible. It was awful. He preached
this really long, fall-asleep boring talk and all the teenagers were nodding off…Being
the good pastors’ daughter that I am, I told him later that it wasn’t really pitched
right and I wasn’t sure if many people had been helped by all the Leviticus references.
Instead of saying “thank you, I will work on it” he did the exactly the same thing the
next night! How embarrassing!”

True story. A few weeks ago my hilarious friend Alice and I were
caravanning with her family in Cambridgeshire. One morning we started chatting
about our dreams the previous night and she shared the story above. If you have ever had
a similar experience, the chances are you are probably also a PK: Pastor’s Kid. If you’re not, then don’t feel like you’re on the outside of a select group (although you are) – rather, read on if you will and discover what it’s like to have all the letters through your letter box addressed to
Rev., or dread inviting friends to church because they will have to listen to your Dad
preaching, or be bribed with candy for being used as a sermon illustration in front of
200 people…

(Photo: Reynolds and Fiona cycling around Grafham Water, August 2012)