Let Me Wash Your Feet!
Something anyone in a family will have to learn at some point in their life is self-sacrifice. A PK is no exception. Whether they like it or not, it appears that their father is the leader of a church. If they despise it or delight in it is their choice but self-sacrifice will be evident anyway. Some examples of this have been mentioned already (giving up your lie-in, getting up even EARLIER for band practice, having strangers for lunch...). But there are a few more subtle ones too.
1) You Will Be Judged.
This actually might not seem a worthwhile comment because in our society, we make judgements of people within 30 seconds of meeting them. But for our PK this is on a different level. They are judged by anyone who has the faintest idea who their dad is. That is not normal. People cannot help making judgements so they are not to blame, but the results can be crippling. You might stop going to church because you can't help being introduced as X's son/daughter. (For future reference, this really really bugs me) You might pretend to be someone else and upset your parents when you don't want to sit with them in the Front Row Seats. Or you might just swallow the words "I AM ME. NOT JUST HIS KID".
One way of dealing with this is to look to the Bible. We can't help what other people think of us, but we CAN help how we view ourselves. A Christian author has said this "I believe he (Jesus) was telling us the truth when he said that he loves us and wants the best for our life. I believe that God created us. This also means that he decided before we were born, the moment we were born, and every second right now...that we have value." (Chad Eastham) He speaks from the bible when he says that, for Psalm 139 acknowledges that, "You (God) created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (verses 13-14a).
So we need to accept our status as Children of God, not of the Pastor, or even just not of our parents if you are not a PK. If you are not a Christian yet, consider how your life would be different living as part of God's family, with him as the head.
2) You Will Not Go Away At Weekends
This title looks like a command- "Never Leave the House!" It's not meant to be seen that way. This is no rule, no written law, purely a practicality. Your friends don't take holidays during term time (or at least they shouldn't!) because they have school and their parents have work. So it is not that different to say that a PK doesn't have weekend breaks with their family because their dad is working. To be honest, I never noticed this until my parents pointed it out that we spend about 49 in 52 Sundays at home every year whilst other families actually leave the province once in a while. I also noticed when I started wanting to visit friends in London or other places (who don't live here) and really missed our morning services at my home church!
To some people this is a big deal. To me it's just something to deal with. And it doesn't really bother me, but I'm sorry if it bothers you.
The bible says, "Brothers and Sisters, stop thinking like children. In regard to evil, be infants, but in your thinking be adults." (1 Corinthians 12 v23). I admit now that I was actually looking for another verse but I noticed that I had highlighted this one in my bible. It sounds really rude at first, assuming that we think as kids do. But if I apply this to myself - do this with me, for yourself - I begin to see how true that is. Every time I complain about my weekend being church-dominated, I am thinking like a child. Every time I wish I could be out with my friends rather than listening to God's word, I am thinking like a child. But God calls us to "be adults". This doesn't mean talking about why nuclear power is better than wind power, but being mature in our actions, attitudes and ultimately in the way we relate to God.
3) You Will Be Expected
I quickly need to point out that this doesn't refer to someone sitting at a desk expecting you for appointments. It is the way that those who know your not-so-secret will have certain expectations of you. Sometimes these are legitimate and sometimes these are unfair, but whatever the case a PK has to make a self-sacrifice in accepting that. This also seems really similar to the "You Will Be Judged", but I've made the distinction because this seems more practical (and I thought three points looked better than two...) Here are a few examples:
- in a bible study there is an awkward silence and Lazy But Confident Teen pipes up with "ask X, s/he is the PASTOR's kid!". If this happens to me, I resolve not to answer any more questions. It usually lasts about 5 minutes and 15 awkward silences later, but still. People expect you to know and to answer. It can be flattering but it can be very annoying.
- "I know someone who is really struggling with this problem...you won't know what it's like because you're X's child, but I thought you could give me some advice?" Ok this has never been said to me, but it could do. I also happen to LOVE listening to people and attempting to advise them...but not all of us do.
- you do something a little rebelious and everyone is shocked. This could happen anyway but it is more obvious if your family is in the limelight. People expect you to act in a certain way and to always behave. Someone actually introduced me the other day as "the Pastor's daughter, so she never does anything wrong". Perhaps this is why I enjoy dying my hair...
1 Samuel 16 v7b says "Humans look at the outward appearance but the LORD looks at the heart".
-->You will sacrifice a bit of street-cred but your heart is more important that that.
(Photo: googleimage search for "To live is Christ, To die is Gain" (c) )
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